


Interdepartmental Comms

by Euny_Sloane, Melibe, seekwill



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Ficlet Collection, Ineffable Bureaucracy, Multi, One Shot Collection, Other, Polyamory, Rare Pairings, Rating May Change, flies, not that IB is a rarepair at this point but there might be others
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25491394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Euny_Sloane/pseuds/Euny_Sloane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melibe/pseuds/Melibe, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekwill/pseuds/seekwill
Summary: A filing cabinet for ficlets spawned from conversations on the IB discord. Tags for each chapter to be added as we go.
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel/Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Satan | Lucifer (Good Omens)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 34





	1. Double-Booked

**Author's Note:**

> chapter rating: T  
> tags: them/them for Beelzebub, he/him for Gabriel and Lucifer, non-graphic description of rotting seaweed and flies

On a stretch of golden sand in a secluded rocky cove, the Lord of the Flies was sunbathing. Recent storms had thrown piles of kelp onto the beach, and the warm air had hastened their decomposition, so Beelzebub felt quite at home, surrounded by a miasma of rot and sand fleas.

The Prince of Hell had recently learned about _tan lines,_ and wanted to see what would happen to their corporation if they wore their habitual fishnets in the sun.

 _Only_ their fishnets.

They were expecting company, after all.

This particular beach was inaccessible to mortals, as it was joined to the land by a sheer crumbling cliff and surrounded at sea by a murderous collection of rocks and riptides. It was the perfect liminal space.

Beelzebub had just rolled onto their back, for the complete tanning experience, when a patch of sand to their left began to boil. A crack spread down to the water and a wave rushed in, hissing up in surprised steam when it met Hellfire.

At the same time, the air above the sand to the right of Beelzebub began to crackle with electricity. The hair all over their body stood on end.

A tall figure rose up from the fiery crevice, and the sand closed smoothly under his feet. He wore nothing but a black Speedo and a light sheen of sweat over his chiseled form. His hair was slicked back and his eyes glittered with wicked mischief as he took in the sight of Beelzebub lounging in their fishnets. Then his gaze lifted and his smile disappeared.

Lightning had just struck the beach on the other side of the demon prince, turning a patch of sand to polished glass. An angel appeared on this flawless surface, standing as tall and handsome as the devil himself, his violet eyes fixed on Beelzebub. His swim trunks technically covered more than the Speedo, but since they were _white_ , they left even less to the imagination.

Gabriel’s eager expression turned confused, then furious. “What the actual fuck--”

“--is _he_ doing here?” finished Lucifer. He gestured rudely at the archangel.

“Whoops,” said Beelzebub, stretching out on the sand. “Muzzt have double-booked.”


	2. Exuvia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter rating: T  
> tags: implied sex, unnecessary angst, weepy archangel
> 
> Original idea from the ever-brilliant [TheFallenCaryatid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFallenCaryatid/pseuds/GoodbyeVanny).

It wasn’t the giant fly in his bed that bothered Gabriel when he woke up. No, it was the fact that said giant fly didn’t move. At all. Not when he stroked one of its bristly legs, not when he tapped a glassy wing. Not when he called, at first softly and then with increasing urgency, “Beelzebub?”

He gathered the enormous insect into his arms. It was much lighter than he had expected, and deathly still. Its eyes were dull and blank. He couldn’t detect the slightest trace of life within.

Gabriel tried frantically to piece together what might have happened. Last night had been the anniversary of Armageddon, of a new world and a new relationship. He’d invited Beelzebub to a candlelit dinner. They had spilled a whole glass of red wine on his best suit, then torn it off him when he complained. He glanced across the room. The ruined fabric was still piled by the door. Beelzebub’s clothes were still laid out in a hasty trail from there to the bed.

Everything after that had felt so good, so right. When Beelzebub had finally taken their hand off his mouth, he’d spoken words straight from his heart. _I love you_ , he’d said, and Beelzebub’s eyes had widened but they hadn’t answered, not unless you counted their wordless scream when they climaxed a few minutes later.

Gabriel didn’t remember much after that. The two of them had fallen asleep in a tangled embrace, Beelzebub’s breath hot against his shoulder.

And now they were gone, leaving nothing but this empty husk.

“My love must have destroyed them.” Only when he spoke aloud did Gabriel realize how his throat ached. “I should have thought--I should have realized--”

He clutched the lifeless shell and sobbed, letting grief crest over him. But even as his chest heaved, he was careful not to crush the delicate shape. It was all he had left of Beelzebub now. He would cast it in gold. Keep it forever.

When his body ran out of tears, he swallowed and set the dead fly tenderly on the bed. He moved to his desk and composed a respectful note to Dagon. _Deepest condolences for this wholly unintended tragedy. Let us consider all future meetings cancelled, unless Hell chooses to designate another representative._ He sealed it with a kiss and sent it off with a prayer.

Gabriel breathed deeply. He stood up, and his eyes fell again on the great dark insect, perched in perfect stillness. A new flood of tears threatened, but he held them back. He had all of eternity to grieve. Right now, he needed to get dressed. 

Numbly he turned to his closet--and heard the sudden crash of the bedroom door being thrown off its hinges.

“What the fuck?” Beelzebub stood in the doorway, hands balled into fists, their expression a mixture of rage and incredulity. “ _Dezzignate another representative?_ Are you trying to replace me?”

“Beelzebub!” Gabriel lunged across the room and threw his shaking arms around them. “Oh my God, Beelzebub, I thought you--I thought I’d killed you.”

They didn’t hug him back, but they tolerated his embrace. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

He released them and stepped back to gesture at his own form. “Well, you’re susceptible to holiness. And what is more holy than an archangel’s love?”

"You _prat_. You honestly thought that you..." Beelzebub trailed off into cackling laughter. They kept trying to restart the sentence, but couldn’t do it.

“What was I supposed to think?!” Gabriel pointed at the dead fly, which he no longer felt at all kindly towards. “Why did you leave that horrible thing in our bed, anyway?”

Beelzebub’s mouth fell open at _our bed_. They licked their lips and cleared their throat. “It’s--it’s a molt.”

“A molt?”

“Exuvia, if you want to get technical.” They were avoiding his eyes now. “I molted, that’s all, don’t make it weird.”

“But it _is_ weird, Beez. I had no idea you molted.” Gabriel had so many questions. They all tumbled out at once. “How--why--when does it happen?”

“When I get stressed out. When I have a, a strong reaction to something.”

“So it _was_ because I said I loved you.”

“It was, okay! Becauzze it made me feel like I was crawling out of my skin, and so I actually crawled out of my skin!”

Gabriel smiled broadly. "So, if I were to say it again--"

"You keep your fucking mouth shut." Beezlebub grabbed his face and yanked it down so they could kiss him, hard. Then they shoved him back onto the bed.

The molt was just as fragile as it looked. It crumpled under the archangel’s weight, and disintegrated to dust when the demon lord landed on top of him.

Gabriel neither noticed nor cared.


End file.
